Here’s a little car wash humor to cap off your Sunday (at my expense of course):

We had just gotten back from a ski trip in North Carolina, and our car was pretty filthy. Of course, my wife couldn’t leave the car in this condition for more than 30 seconds, let alone the next day, so on the way back we stopped at an auto-wash near our apartment. It’s also worthwhile to note two things here:

1.) It took us about eight hours to drive back. Consequently, the last thing I wanted to do was wait in a car wash line for an hour.

2.) Of course, there were about nine cars ahead of us at the car wash, so we had at least a 40 minute to an hour wait in line.

We’re waiting in line, really enjoying each others company. That is, if by enjoying each others company you mean getting on each others nerves as we were both tired and worn out from the trip. Finally, we get to the point where we’re two cars away from getting in the wash and going home. The next car goes in and I get nervous for a few reasons:

1.) The license plate of the car said “LOONEY”. This immediately made me think: “Sweet”.

2.) The driver couldn’t seem to figure out how to pay for the wash. She kept pushing different buttons and shaking her head until I guess she got some kind of wash to register.

3.) She shotgunned the wash. To explain, you have to wait for an “Enter” sign to light up before you go in. If you don’t, you can throw the timing of the wash and the attendant has to come out and fix it. She BARELY hit the mark as the sign just lit up as the backend of her car entered the wash.

So the wash starts, nothing too special. However, when it ends, she doesn’t move her car. It doesn’t even look like it’s on. After a few minutes, she gets out of the car literally paces back and forth for a few minutes, then gets back in the car. After another few minutes she gets out and goes inside the station. Then it hits me: Her car is stalled. This is exactly what I wanted to happen. Not only did we have to wait forever in line, but now a car was stalled in the middle of the wash.

Finally, she comes back out with the attendant. I know what he’s going to try to do, and I realize I’m going to have to get out and help him. The attendant, the guy from the car in front of me, and me end up having to push the car out of the wash and into a parking space outside. Even better, the driver almost swerves out into traffic, until we scream loud enough for her to put on her brakes. Fan-Freaking-Tastic. And when we’re done? Nothing, no thank you, no “sorry I didn’t tell anyone what was going on”, no “thanks for not letting me hit 15 cars by rolling into the highway”, nada. With that warm and fuzzy feeling, I got back in our car.

In the end, the entire experience probably took about an hour and a half of my life that I can’t get back. Needless to say, I slept pretty well that night.