Fresh back from the holidays and boy, do I have a story for you.

This year we spent Christmas with the in-laws in Memphis. Naturally, we had to fly there (since it’s about a 15 hour drive from DC). The problem with this is that Northwest is pretty much the major carrier that flies into Memphis (it’s a pretty small airport aside from the enormous FedEx traffic). US Air and Delta also fly in, but have a much more limited flight selection. I’m not a huge fan of Northwest, but I thought “What the heck, how bad could it be?” (insert hindsight forehead slapping here).

The flight going out there wasn’t actually too bad. We were only 20 minutes delayed (a miracle for Northwest), but the seats were pretty small, making the entire trip pretty uncomfortable. It also didn’t help that we were sitting next to a guy who was not “petite” to say the least. Anyways, our baggage wasn’t lost so all in all it worked out ok. However, I can’t say the same about the trip back.

Right when we get to the airport, we see that our plane is 20 minutes delayed. Whatever, Memphis isn’t the most exciting airport to have a delay in, but I could deal with 20 minutes. They end up boarding us a little ahead of the time we were supposed to depart. Did they board us by rows? Zones? Nope, they just boarded everybody at once. It was a freaking mess. Our plane had about 25 rows, with three seats on each side, so it was a decent size crowd. Not only that, but it was a small gate, so it was one huge mob just trying to get in the plane. To top it all off, there was this girl next to us in line who was in tears talking to her mom on the phone. Why was she crying? Because she got searched by security. After 15 minutes with whining, sniffling, and sobbing right next to my ear, I got to board the plane. This puts us at about our departure time of 6:30.

I get to sit in the middle seat, since I had the aisle on the way down. I didn’t care that much because the girl next to me wasn’t taking up much room, and she went right to sleep. Five minutes go by, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, no announcement, no movement of the plane. It started to get really stuffy and hot, and the girl next to me started to snore. Not a little snore, more like a lawnmower snore. Finally, the pilot gets on at about 7:00 and says were leaving in five minutes. Of course, we don’t leave until 7:30. Two hours later, we land. Thinking it’s finally over we deplane and make our way to the baggage claim, only to be confronted with….

….At least a hundred people sitting around the Northwest carousel. It turns out that they put the baggage from five planes from five different airlines on the same carousel. I could not freaking believe it. An hour late already, and now this? Not only that, but the carousel couldn’t handle so much baggage so it broke three times (the smell was pretty awful). When it broke, all the passengers had to move the bags currently on the carousel to another carousel. I think I moved at least three sets of skis and perhaps eight metric tons of clothes. An hour and a half later we finally got our bags, grabbed a taxi, and “broke the hell out” so to speak. As it stands, I’m still awaiting my check from Northwest for my baggage handling expertise.

The moral of the story? Northwest should not be your carrier of choice. Also, the old “lift from the legs” advice is not just idle chatter. Ignore it at your own risk.