Before I delve into this story, I have one question for you: How long do you think it takes for the sun to fade your car’s paint? Keep the answer in the back of your mind, you’ll need it later.

The car wash is a magical, mystifying place, steeped in mystery and puzzles….wait…no it’s not…it’s a freaking car wash. It doesn’t get much simpler than the car wash, and the most simple type of car wash is the Automatic Gas Station Car Wash. You pull up, pay for your wash, and then pull into the wash when directed. Gives you a headache just thinking about it, right?

If you haven’t guessed, I went to a gas station car wash today. My fiancé and I have been going to this car wash for a few years now, so we are pretty familiar with the ropes (such as they are). We pull up, and it looks like there is a line. Not surprising, it’s a pretty busy car wash. As we grind to a halt, I notice something funny: There is a big gap in the middle of the car wash line, about three car lengths. The car right before this gap had its hood raised and door opens, so I went to investigate thinking that they might need some help.

When I arrived at the car, the owner wasn’t there so I asked the guy in the car behind it what was going on. This is what he said: “He doesn’t want to have his car sit in the sun..”. What? That’s right, that was actually the guy’s reason for backing up the line. I couldn’t believe it. Remember that question I asked you at the beginning? This is where it comes into play. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty certain that 30 minutes in the sun shouldn’t fade the paint on your car (at least brand name cars, I can’t vouch for some of the “questionable” Russian brands). Incredulous, I walked back to our car.

Luckily, it wasn’t too long before the line advanced and this genius thought his precious used INTREPID (oh yeah, I forgot that part) would be ok and he moved up in line. Wait, don’t click out yet, there’s even more to come. When the guy finally gets to the front of the line, what does he do? He jumps the gun on driving into the wash, and completely messes up the machine. There are TWO freaking lights telling you when to enter and a damn SIGN! I couldn’t believe it. Not figuring out that he broke it, the idiot opened his car door in the wash and tried backing in and out to get it to trigger. Here’s a question: If you even thought for a SECOND that the wash would turn on, would you OPEN your door? Let alone keep it open? This is who we were dealing with.

Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I walked inside the gas station and got an attendant to help the guy. The attendant came out and was able to fix the wash, and Einstein finally got through. All in all, by the time that we went through the wash, an hour had passed. A 20 minute or less process took THREE times as long because of this guy. Apparently while I was inside at the gas station, my fiancé went out and explained to the guy what had happened. She said he was extremely apologetic. Apologetic? I’ll forgive him once he apologizes my hour back.